Seven things I learned from querying:

1. 1.All of our lives are busy.  Writers and agents have the same goals in the query process.  Agents only want to represent books they are crazy about.  Writers only want to work with agents who are crazy about their books.  Maybe this is an imperfect process, but following the rules keeps a slow process humming along a little more efficiently.  Rejections and manuscript requests are part of a sorting process which ultimately benefits us all.  Every time I get an answer from an agent, I know a little bit more about where my book will find a home. 
   

2. 2.Some of the best publishing advice comes from agents who do not represent my genre (just as some of the best writing advice comes from people who write outside my genre).  Don’t query agents who do not represent writing like yours, but do listen and learn.
   

3. 3.I know this is a matter of personal preference, but I prefer form letters that say “dear author.”  If you use my name, don’t give me a reason for rejecting my book that reads like a horoscope.  I think it applies to me until I do the ten seconds of research to find out it applies to me and thousands of other schmucks.  I’m good with “not right for me.”
   

4. 4.I’m thrilled with garbled responses that couldn’t possibly be form letters but give me a sense the revered agent touched the key that sent it.  I received one such rejection and then did my ten seconds of research before getting too excited.  I found out everyone else was getting a coherent form letter from an assistant.  I received a short, garbled email from the agent.  Yes, it was a rejection.  Yes, I danced.
   

5. 5.I’ve learned not to send out partials or fulls within ten seconds of receiving the request.  I’m too excited.  I haven’t quit squealing yet.  I should not be communicating or operating heavy machinery.  Definitely not both.  The reason writers often seem too stupid to follow simple directions is because our excess of enthusiasm does render us temporarily stupid.  Wait for the stupid to pass.  Then read what the agent wants.  Double check.  It’s a good idea to go back to the agent website to see if the agency lists specific guidelines for responding to requests.  Settle down.  Do a bit more research.  Then respond in a timely manner.
   

6. 6.Learn from the query/synopsis.  To write these, you have to know the true essence of your book.  Few of us know the true essence of our book.  We scream.  We rant.  We fight the process.  It’s such a simple-looking thing.  Why can’t we do it?  The answer wasn’t one I was ready to see for a while.  Yes, grasshopper:  you have to find the essence.  And when you find the essence, it’s probably time to go revise your manuscript again, to sharpen the book’s focus to match that brilliant query you just wrote.
   

7. 7.Personal, professional feedback from agents and editors is a gift for which any response will only frighten them under their desks.  Just say thank you.  The best response, always:  pour their hard work into your own.  Become a better writer.  Use the encouragement and the advice to become better at your craft.  Always move forward.